detoxing

When I was in drug Detox, I tried to think about mountains alot. I’d fixate on jutting and soaring alpine peaks, on hidden meadows flecked with golden flowers, on cool deep streams and bright speckled lakes and the jagged crystalline beauty of a ridgeline against the sky. I would concentrate on these images because in drug rehab, Detox itself was so unspeakably and god-awfully miserable. And I knew I didn’t have any choice but to knuckle down and deal with it.

Anyone who tells you Detox is easy is a liar. Sure, doctors at drug detox centers can help mitigate the worst of it. But into every drug Detox patient’s life a few buckets of rain must fall. I spent every last instant of my time in drug Detox wishing it was over. And fixating on mountains. Hoping, wishing, praying that I was doing the right thing. I hoped that all my suffering was somehow leading to something better, something worthwhile, something more than just addiction.

Last month, I took a trip to the mountains. Drug-free. Liberated from addiction. It’s been two years now since I kicked the habit. And the damnedest thing?

The whole time I was up there, I couldn’t stop thinking about drug Detox.